Moe Berg

I recently finished reading a most excellent book called The Catcher was a Spy by Nicholas Dawidoff.  The book basically jumped off the shelf at me when I was at the bookstore one day.  I was looking for something to read (for some reason it was at a time when I didn’t have a huge list of books), and as I was perusing the shelves this book captured my attention.  As a fan of J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, I was initially intruiged by the play off of the title.  Then I began to think about what the title meant, and was even more intruiged.  In the end my curiosity got the better of me and I bought the book.

It took me a while to get through it due to the fact that the term started when I was about halfway through.  However, I gradually plowed through, reading a little here and a little there, and in the end finished.  The book is very well written, and is a fascinating study on the life of a very unique man.  In short, Moe Berg was a Princeton and Colombia Law graduate who spoke a slew of different languages, and, right out of university, began playing professional baseball.  Despite his intense thirst for knowledge, he opted to play baseball for a good portion of his life.  During WWII the United States formed the OSS, the precursor organization to the CIA, and Moe Berg decided to change professions.  After a very successful few years as a spy gathering intelligence about nuclear physics, the war ended and Berg spent the rest of his life as a vagabond, never holding a job again and living off of friends and family members.

I was perplexed about this man’s choice for the latter part of his life.  He certainly did not lack the ability to become very successful in just about whatever field he chose.  Yet he decided to choose nothing instead.  It was almost frustrating to me to read account after account of how Berg would pass up incredible opportunities or intentionally neglect aspects of life that would have ensured success.  At one point, the author makes an interesting point.  He mentions (and I paraphrase) that though Berg was very impressive to others, to himself he was not impressive.  This feeling alone became a limiting factor.  I felt a blow of resonance as I read this.  I can attest that I’ve felt a similar feeling, and it has been a limiting factor.  There have been a few times when, in hindsight, I’ve wondered what opportunities I’ve passed up due to the fact that I doubted myself.  For Berg, the opinions of countless people did not help the fact that he did not believe himself to be impressive.

It’s almost a pity that Berg did not have a bigger impact on the world because for such a man it would have been possible.  Yet at the same time, his life provides hope to others.  After reading this book I began to seriously reflect, and I realised that I don’t want to miss any opportunities because I doubt in myself.  I am sure it is perfectly normal for people to feel unimpressive; after all, they live with themselves every day.  However, others certainly hold a different view.  Now, this is not an argument to support conceitedness or pride.  But it is an argument for belief in oneself.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Christ sees us as how we can become.  So, how does one gain access to such a view?  Often times I think it takes more than simply expanding our own view, as that is often too limited.  I sincerely feel that Christ has a view of our potential that is even greater than that which we can imagine.  There have been a few times of my life when I have realised that this is the case.  For example, when I was in Thailand as a missionary for the LDS church, I realised that I had grown spiritually and emotionally more in the space of two years than I had in the space of ten years.  I went into the mission with an idea of who I wanted to become.  After finishing those two years I realised that, because of the power of God, I had surpassed that.  I had become better than my expectations.

I don’t mean boast.  I hope it doesn’t come off that way, because the truth is I had very little to do with it.  I give all the credit to God.  It was He who made it possible for me to develop.  The truth is I was able to witness the change in myself, and I was amazed by it.  All I did was rely on Him and strive to do His will.  In John chapter 7, verse 17, Jesus tells the Jews, “If any man will do His will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.”  As one comes to “know of the doctrine,” it begins to take root in one’s heart.  As I dedicated myself to serving Christ in His way, I felt that I came to know of the doctrine.  And, because of that, my heart began to be changed.  I wanted to follow Christ, not because my parents had or because my friends were.  I wanted to follow Christ because I knew that through Him I can gain exaltation.  Through Him I can be truly happy.  As I spent my time in His service, He amplified my abilities.  I gained new understanding and maturity (the latter my friends and family will quickly confirm).  I began to see the power that He has in helping us to attain our potential.  Indeed, I came to realize that I don’t have the slightest idea of what I can become.  God, however, does, and one of the reasons He sent His son was in order to make it possible for everyone to accomplish it.

So, though there are times when self doubt becomes a significant limiting factor, it does not have to be permanent.  God knows who we are.  When we put our trust in Him, we do not have to worry about what others think of us or how we measure up.  As we exercise faith in Him, He will shape us and perfect us, and we will become more than we could possibly imagine.